Monday, February 1, 2010

Go Get Vaccinated

There is an epidemic leveling out BYU campus, killing off one victim at a time. Once a person contracts this lethal bug, there's no turning back, they become unrecognizable subhuman forms, forgoing food, drink, and company. Normal conversations cease, roommates abandoned, homework forgotten. The correct medical term for this zombie-like disease is ringonthelefthandringfineritis, or more commonly referred to as "The Love Bug." This infection is surrounding me from every possible side... roommates, cousins, both girls sitting on either side of me this very moment at the library, friend from German class, the girl across the hall, half the members of my FHE group, and a girl I visit teach. The germ enters the body as soon as you meet a cute boy. Then the first sign of an outbreak is holding hands in public. Then after that lasts a few months, then comes the hypothetical situations conversations that go like this: "So if you were to get married, what season would you get married in? If you were to get engaged, what kind of ring would you like?" At this point, you can still go to the doctor and be cured of this infectious disease. But if you don't get it looked at, it progresses to the man hunting down your roommates and conning them into finding out what kind of ring you want. Then bridal magazines start showing up all over your apartment. The phone bill increases dramatically as you call your mom for advice. Then the looking through calendars to find a good date that works for your family. Of course, then the boyfriend asks you on a nice date to your favorite restaurant, then whips out 2 dozen roses, stomps out a heart in the snow- drags you to the exact middle of the heart... gets down on one knee... then you've got the disease full-blown. The disease takes over your life... you stop doing homework to pick wedding colors, the only thing you talk about are table settings for your reception, and you have a silly smile on your face that never leaves. To avoid this rapidly moving disease, cease all contact with the opposite sex, wear sweatpants to class, and never shower.
(That being said, I'm actually really happy for the above mentioned brides-to-be, just scared of it myself)


Kristin said...

Suzanne this is so clever! I am loving it!

Autumn Lynn said...

Hi Suzanne, I'm in your ward and I laughed and laughed and laughed when I read this. You are so witty!