Wednesday, November 11, 2009

I live in a Seinfeld Episode

Jerry and friends constantly end relationships over trivial things, such as the woman has man-hands, or the guy is a close-talker, or Jerry, the comedian, has a girlfriend who never laughs, etc. I used to ask myself how can such small things determine the outcome of a relationship?? I can now testify that I know the answer to that question.
Stackfeld Episode 1: The Mustache
SCENE 1:Camera pans around BYU Campus as geeky 90's music plays
SCENE 2:A girl of about 20 walks into a classroom and sits down at a desk. She looks around and notices the cute boy sitting next to her. She smiles at him as they make eye contact
Suzanne: Hey, Isn't today a beautiful day?
Cute Boy: (smiling) Why yes, yes it is! What's your name?
Suzanne: I'm Suzanne, what's yours?
Cute Boy: I'm Nate
SCENE 3: Montage of Suzanne and Nate sitting next to each other in class, finding out they are in the same ward, laughing and smiling at each other
SCENE 4: Nate walks into class one day with a little bit of a mustache growing
Suzanne: Hey, looks like you forgot to shave this morning!
Nate: Naw, actually I'm growing out my mustache for Halloween
Suzanne turns away looking horrified
SCENE 5: Another montage, but this is of Nate's uneven, thick, hairy mustache growing over time and Suzanne looking disgustedly on
SCENE 6: Suzanne's apartment, after Halloween
Suzanne: Hey, now that Halloween is over are you going to shave?
Nate: No, actually I really like it, I think I'll keep it.
Suzanne: (sinks into a chair, looking faint) oh...
Nate: So Suzanne, would you want to go out with me tonight?
Suzanne: (unable to look at directly at his face because of the "stache") No, actually I don't think this is going to work

Friday, October 16, 2009

Monday, August 17, 2009

Another failed conquest

Last Thursday I found myself, yet again, working at the homeless shelter. This day I was helping a few families move from the Road home to a new apartment complex. After moving a few families, we started in on Ashley. Ashley was homeless and just had twins. We got her all packed up and headed to Palmer Courts. We pulled up in the van to a group of awaiting volunteers, just itching to help unload. We all jumped out and started moving boxes. As I was loading up the carts I couldn't help but notice a most agreeable young gentleman. He was college age and had streaks of blond in his hair, was accustomed to being in the sun, and he definitely was acquainted with the gym. And on top of that he had decided to spend his time working at the homeless shelter. Can you say perfection? Well after we made eye contact and he smiled at me a few times, he finally approached me after about the third trip I made to Ashley's apartment. He said in a friendly manner, "Hey are you Ashley? I want to see these twins of yours!" I quickly turned a shade of purple and declared I was a volunteer and got out of there as fast as I could. I don't know what's worse, him thinking I was homeless or that I looked like I just had twins.

Friday, June 12, 2009

The case of Suzanne and her accidental boyfriend

Once upon a time, in the faraway land of BYU, lived a young girl. She had just started her freshman year of college. She had managed to avoid all scary RMs and all church callings, she was living the dream. She was an easy-going girl and loved to have fun, so she hardly detected anything suspicious when her roommate asked her, innocently enough, to go to a Haunted House with her and her boyfriend. So she wholeheartedly agreed and bundled up in her warmest clothes. She got to the car, where Kyle joined them. Kyle was Suzanne's roommate's boyfriend's roommate. Suzanne, naively, thought oh fun, the more the merrier! She sat next to him in the backseat, silently rejoicing that she no longer had to third-wheel it. She thought Kyle was a very nice kid and liked him very much as a friend. Then things started to get weird. Once at the Haunted House, Kyle pulled out his wallet and payed for two tickets. He turned around and gave one to Suzanne. Suzanne stood there holding onto her ticket, in awe. She thought, wow this boy is so nice! He is such a good friend. They got into the attraction and it was dark. Kyle grabbed Suzanne's hand, she thought, to lead her through the dark. Again, she was amazed at the kindness of this young gentleman. After that Suzanne's roommate started inviting her to hang out with her and her boyfriend a lot more. They went to basketball games, watched movies, and played games. Kyle was always invited too. Suzanne was grateful for his presence because, well he was always nice to her and she had fun. Then the winter settled in and Suzanne didn't have a car, bike, or bus pass, so she had to brave the cold and walk to and from school every day. Kyle started giving her rides. He was such a good friend! One day he called her to see if she wanted to go get a bite to eat. Again, she was amazed that he was checking up on her, and it really blew her away that such a guy could exist. One who was so nice and took care of her, but wasn't in love with her. She told Kyle that she wasn't hungry and had a lot of papers to write that night, but she thanked him for thinking of her. She hung up the phone and her roommate asked her who and what the person on the other end of the phone wanted. She recounted the exchange and she sort of gasped. "You just rejected his date offer? Wow, that's harsh!" All of the sudden Suzanne's ignorant, inexperienced eyes were opened. "Wait, what?! Kyle was asking me on a date? Does Kyle like me?" Her roommate stared at her for a full two minutes, mouth hanging loose and all. Finally she responded "Duh, Kyle likes you! Aren't you two dating? Everyone thinks that you guys have been together this whole semester!" Kyle, who was just as inexperienced as Suzanne, had almost tricked Suzanne into being his girlfriend. He thought if he did it slowly and subtly Suzanne wouldn't notice. Suzanne learned her lesson and always questioned boys' friendly actions from that day on.

Friday, April 17, 2009

Here's to being a Freshman

My Freshman year in College ends in three days. This year has been full of learning and joy. Here's a few things that I'll never forget:
1) Spending a whole night making up a dance to Stand By Me
2) Spending another whole night performing it
3) Pancake parties at 3 am
4) Living on the bus
5) Having conversations in bushman
6) Dance parties to strobe lights
7) Dress up parties
8) Early morning runs
9) Adventures in the kitchen
10) Upset the fruitbasket
11) Slip and slide in the bathroom
12) Ditching building meetings
13) Football and basketball games
14) Obama trips
15) Dawson's Creek
16) Office parties
17) "Goodbye, I'll love you forever" (breakup text)
Now on to bigger and better things as sophomores!

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Things I've learned from having a concussion

Due to partying too hard last Saturday, I sustained a head injury. Here are a few things I've observed
1) Concussions hinder my fashion sense
2) If you put pain killers into brownies, they cure you much faster and you get to say that you've had magic brownies
3)Ironically my addled brain has yielded higher test results
4)I'm more productive as in invalid
5)Class is much more interesting when you're not mentally sound
6)People do nice things for you
7)You get away with making errors, if people call you on it, you shrug, then just point to your head
8)Waking up alive every morning is actually a fun surprise

Monday, March 16, 2009

My Austen Sister

Last year Miss Garfield, accompanied by her father, traveled to the Alps to get in a few good days of skiing. The few times I entered her house while she was gone, it was complete and utter chaos. Without Gail no one knew where all the ski equipment was, or how to operate the computer, or how to fix simple things that had been broken. The people that know and love Gail know that without her the world simply doesn't work.
Miss Garfield entered my life 6 years ago. I observed her being very bossy one day in play practice. I pegged her as being stuck up and obnoxious. The next year, one day at swim team practice, I had just finished a warm-up lap and was waiting on the side of the pool. There Gail sat, adjusting her goggles and dangling her legs in the water. At first, I sighed and thought, "Great, she's on our swim team now." But then she looked down at me and said, "You have a beautiful freestyle stroke." Instantly her status increased infinitely in my mind. Although she still is a little bit bossy, she's completely changed my life. Once she is your friend, you are ensured that you'll be well looked after. She hardly ever wastes a thought on herself and does everything to help her friends and family. On top of that, she would never forgive herself if she didn't try to invite everyone to everything. Gail can plan or fix anything. Her car broke down while her dad was driving it down the canyon. Gail took one look at it and fixed it. If you need a party planned or a cute card, just call Gail. She worships Martha Steward, which is silly because in reality she is much more creative than her.
Miss Garfield holds my world together! Happy Birthday Gail!

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Spring time at BYU

This week Utah is being it's normal Utah's self. Totally unpredictable weather wise. Maybe it's just a sigh of global warming, if that's the case, yay for global warming. Since this rare outburst of happy weather is probably going to be short lived I decided to spend my afternoon studying outside. I walked around to the back of my apartment building where I received quite the shock. Two young gentlemen very close to being nude, lying out on a blanket. Maybe it's because I've been so sheltered here at BYU, but I was not prepared to see that. I gasped (probably too loudly) then turned around and went to find another sunny spot. One part of me wanted to laugh at these absurd boys and the other part wanted to go join them and soak up all the sun I could.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

The 37 REAL Reasons why I Love Miss Stack

Miss Stack is my best friend in the world, and the 37 reasons below, though all entirely true, only scratched the surface of her innumerable wonderful qualities. So here's a second tribute to my Austen sister:
1. I love that she hacked in to my blogger account to write a list of good things about herself.
2. When she's excited for someone to come over, she sits in her window sill to watch for them.
4. She sleeps on the floor, or in a luggage compartment.
5. When she was brace face, she sported it like a champ.
6. She is such a good flirt that when she got pulled over in a car that wasn't registered, didn't have insurance, her seat belt was broken, and she didn't have her drivers license with her, the cop let her off on only a warning.
7. She even flirted her way out of a ticket after a car accident. Same cop.
8. Her idea of cliff jumping is a four foot drop into the water below.
9. She went to racist camp, and is now more racist than ever.
10. She is going to go to school at the U after Jamie gets back from his mission (please, Suzanne?!)
11. She is the biggest nerd I know.
12. She really appreciates people for their diversity. She loves those who question the world and don't follow the norm.
13. She is still VL :).
14. She tells excellent stories.
15. She makes great quesadillas. And burritos. Basically, she should open a (meat-free) mexican restaurant.
16. Her birthday is on the 16th, which is the best day to be born.
17. She will be married within the year.
18. If the ski lift she is on starts swinging, she squeals and clings to the pole like she is about to die.
19. She is independent and knows her own mind.
20. She never speaks ill of anyone, even when she's only talking to me and she know's I'll never tell a soul what she said.
21. She exaggerates like no other. Each of her stories is far more exciting on the fourth telling than on the first.
22. She throws awesome parties.
23. She wants to include everyone.
24. She puts the needs of her friends and family before her own.
25. She falls alseep on the bus and looks like a transient.
26. She once tried to hit on a guy by not recognizing what his iPhone was.
27. When she tries to fix things herself, she usually ends up breaking them.
28. She knows how to drive stick-shift in heels. That is real talent.
29. When she first met me, she thought I was annoying.
30. She rocks at DDR.
31. She's a mix between a Budhist and a Communist, and proud of it.
32. She swears under her breath. I guess this is probably not a good thing, but if I lived in Provo, I would too.
33. She laughs at everything.
34. She exemplifies goodness though her every deed.
35. She is beautiful.
36. She is far more vain than she will ever admit.
37. What is there to not love about her?

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

The 37 Reasons why I Love Miss Stack

Yesterday was my Austen Sister's birthday. She's such a big part of my life and I wanted everyone to know how amazing she is! So here are 37 reasons why I love Miss Stack:
1. She's little and cute
2. She could be cast as Hermione after just one look at her hair.
3. She has a beautiful smile.
4. I love that twinkle she gets in her eye when she's just told a lie and has gotten away with it.
5. She gets excited about the little things, like car washes and Butternut Squash soup
6. She cries when she's happy
7. She's incapable of picking up a book and putting it back down
8. She's studious to the obnoxious extreme
9. She's such a good cross-country skier that little kids like to call her Stop Sign
10. She doesn't quite understand the concept of not putting plastic near heat sources
11. Late at night she likes to sabotage people by throwing pillows in their faces
12. She's a Vegetarian, even though everyone makes fun of her and didn't think she could do it
13. She tries new things all the time (skiing, shuffleboard, the salsa, water aerobics, jumping off cliffs)
14. She gives the best prayers in German
15.She is incapable of sleeping in
16. She has an unhealthy obsession with Jane Austen
17. She drove a beat-up car in High School and instead of complaining, everything she got in her car she said it was an adventure
18. She loves writing letters
19. She has the best fashion sense.
20. She fell in love with a boy just because he rolled up his pants
21. Her true colors came out with she dressed up as a nerd for Halloween one year
22. She loves to make people feel special on their birthdays, that's why her calling in her ward is to be the Official Birthday Celebrator
23. She began the 37 fad
24. She is The 37
25. She loves making up stories
26. She's passionate about politics (even though I don't agree with her more than half of the time)
27. She has mad dancing skills
28. Usually just one look at her makes me laugh
29. Her favorite game is Upset the Fruit-basket
30. She kinda is a fruit-basket
31. She loves traveling and seeing the world
32. She loves being hardcore
33. She doesn't knock when she comes over to my house
34. She has been at BYU for almost two semesters and isn't married yet!
35. She loves to talk to herself
36. She loves life!
37. She's too great to be ignored!
Happy Birthday darling!
(Please add on if you have anything else you love about her!)

Thursday, February 12, 2009

RIP 1451 Uintah Circle

I guess I never really knew that there were murderers living in my sweet innocent SLC neighborhood. But they are there... and they committed a massacre today. They murdered beauty, history, and nature. The home of my childhood was demolished in 4 hours. It took only 4 hours to destroy a significant link to my past. I was always planning on driving my kids and my grandchildren to Uintah Circle and saying, "Look over there, that's where I grew up. See that tree, I always parked my car under that tree. See that playhouse in the backyard? That's where my family would run to, in our swimsuits December 23rd every year. See that grape arbor? That's where me and my friend had a big black and white party. See that window on the second story? That was my room. I grew from a little girl to a college student in that room. That room was my world for so many years."
But now we'll drive by a tan stucco monstrosity, stuck in a gorgeous circle, with no trees. And I'll shudder and tell my descendants, "If you look to the right, you'll see a tragedy."

Thursday, February 5, 2009


Valentine's day used to be my favorite holiday. Weeks before February 14th, my dad and I would actively draw up plans for my Valentine's box. Hours of our lives were dedicated to this one-time-use masterpiece. My dad was a Valentine's day box genius. He would come up with the idea, and pretty much make the box, well I sat at the same table, writing valentine's to all of my classmates. But Valentine's day has evolved from that innocent day of fun (two days before my birthday!) to a dreaded, lonely, odious day.
Recently I've come to believe that Valentine's day solely exists to emphasize the fact that I'll be nineteen in a week, and I've never had a real boyfriend or kissed anyone. It's something that's hard to escape at a school where most people can't walk to class unless they have a hand to hold on to or where 90% of the people in my cooking class are married. Marriage and family and love are emphasized everyday. Professors joke about dating and marriage to try and relate to the students. I feel like every joke is a painful reminder that I participate in neither at this time.
Yesterday I read A Tale of Two Cities, by Charles Dickens. It made me cry, and I vowed that I would live life to fullest. I saw that in order for the characters to live life to the fullest, they just wanted to be with those they love. Coincidentally on an episode of The Simpsons I watched that night while doing crunches with Natalie, Homer eats a poisonous sushi dish, that may or may not kill him in the next 24 hours. He makes a list of everything he wants to do before he dies, and ends up spending the day with people he loves. He ends up not dying and pronouncing to the world that he will live his life to the fullest. Ironically the next scene shows him sitting on the couch, watching tv, and eating popcorn.
So last night I was lying in bed, thinking about what living life to the fullest really means. From both of these stories, I found that you should spend time with people you love. I thought of my family and friends back in SLC and I thought, well how can I spend all my time with them and still go to school. Then it hit me. In order to live life to the fullest I need to spend all my time with people I love, so why not make the people that I'm with the people that I love?
So today begins a new journey for me. I'm going to try, to the best of my ability, to love the random kid who is sitting next to me in the library, and the girl who sits behind me in Book of Mormon, and the bagger at the grocery store.
It's not about being with your loved ones, it's about loving the ones you're with.
So Happy Valentine's Day! Don't forget to love!

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

View from on top

(The first picture is of me and Karen, hanging out with Steven Spielberg, the other two were the view from our seats)
We called today, "Cinderella day." I'm not sure what was more surreal, Getting picked up by a police escort, driving through the streets of DC with people scattering out of our way and taking pictures of our police van, walking through the underground tunnels of the Capitol building, sitting in better seats than Oprah, sitting two rows in front of Leonardo Dicaprio, John Cusack, Magic Johnson, and Arnold Schwarzenegger, bumping into Steven Spielberg, hearing that my family saw me on CNN, being 150 feet from Obama, looking out into a crowd of about 2 million people, watching my uncle escort Obama and Bush onto stage, or seeing people in the USA actually supporting and striving for change. Today was magical. I can't believe that a normal person like myself experienced any of that. Now that it is midnight, I'm back to being a nobody, but it was fun for just one day to pretend I was important!

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

College lessons

Since living on my own I've learned a ton of things about life, oftentimes from my own mishaps. I would like to pass along this knowledge in hopes that you won't make as big of a fool of yourself as I have.
1)If you want to keep your pancakes warm in the oven while you get ready for school, make sure that the plate you put them on isn't plastic.
2)When doing your laundry, check the pockets for pens
3)Also when doing laundry check to make sure you paid for the right washer, because it sure looks dumb to come back an hour later to see that you paid for a laundry machine to do a load of air while your clothes are sitting there, still waiting to be cleaned
4)If you feel sick, DON'T GO TO CLASS, unless you want to vomit in front of everyone
5)Make sure the guy you are thinking of hitting on isn't related to you
6) If cooking something on the stove, make sure all plastic cooking tools are no where near the flames, unless you want to start a fire.
7)You can never have too much Top Ramen.
8)Go to everything that advertises free food
9)The best place to sleep is usually in the girls' bathroom- they have couches in there
10) Try very hard to avoid poles when you are walking
11) If a stranger offers you a ride, say "Absolutely!"

Monday, January 5, 2009

Ode to Jane Austen

For those of you who sadly missed Miss Austen's birthday, it fell on December 16th. In honor of her genius, I would like to tell you about what I've learned from Jane Austen.
1) If you drop something next to a boy, he'll pick it up and that will create a perfect opportunity for an introduction
2) Don't marry for money
3) Love finds you when you're least expecting it
4) Letters are the best form of communication
5) Men are hottest when they wear tight pants and a cravat
6) Enjoy those random characters in your life... you could turn them into a pretty great novel
7) Go on long walks... perfect opportunity for lovers to profess love
8) Sisters are about the best thing a girl could have
9) Start out hating a guy, then slowly learn to love him... it's way cuter that way
10) Don't underestimate the importance of Balls, gatherings, tea, and dances
11) Empire waist dresses are the way to go
12) If you find a Mr. Collins, roll with it... they come with the best stories!
13) If you stick to your morals, everything will work out in the end
14) Don't flirt with men who are secretly engaged to someone else, they are no fun
15) Life is funny, don't forget to laugh at it