Saturday, April 26, 2008

The Mystery of my tear ducts

Last night at Bang Bang You're Dead (which was incredible, by the way, I really haven't had my emotions stirred so much in an East High play before. Kevin was beyond description, it blew my mind that someone could change so much to fit a character. He definitely could do acting later in life, if he ever chose to, so props to him) I sat in the midst of a sobbing crowd. Don't get me wrong, I got the powerful message of the play, and really haven't stopped thinking about it, but I just couldn't get those tears to roll down my cheek. That got me thinking... why couldn't I cry like the rest of the audience? Was there something wrong with me? While pondering this, a powerful experience came back to me. Two years ago, we sent my brother and father on a plane carrying them across the world for a month, the longest time we've ever been separated. After watching them disappear beyond the metal detectors, Miss Karen Stack, Mrs. Stack, and I turned to leave. Not one tear had left my eyes. As we were walking, we saw a huge crowd with balloons and banners containing the words "Welcome Home Elder Robinson!" I stopped in place and exclaimed, "Elder Robinson's coming home! We have to wait and see him!" My mother was used to my eccentric moments, and decided to go along with it. We waited a few minutes and I started to get excited! This young man was coming home to his family. Elder Robinson was almost home! I could just see the excitement in this family, no one could stand still. A crowd of people came through the exit and from it emerged a man in a suit and name tag. His mother broke out from the jumping homewelcomers, and started sprinting towards her son. The love and happiness was strong in the air. To their horror, Karen and mom turned to find me sobbing. Not just one or two tears, but I was full on sobbing. I almost ran toward Elder Robinson... but then I remembered that I actually didn't know him. To this day I can't tell this story without crying (just ask Karen, I'm crying right now)
Another time, my AP Geography teacher announced that our test would be postponed. The room filled with cheers, happy exclamations, and..... sobs. Yes, you read that right, I was sitting at my desk completely crying. Possibly one of the most embarrassing moments, the teacher had to stop class and come examine what was happening. I had been under a ton of stress and just on the edge of a panic attack, and when one big stress was removed, I lost it.
Recently a friend of mine got asked on a date by a boy she likes. That night I laid in my bed, unable to sleep because I was so excited. I kept giggling and letting out small little shouts of happiness. I actually think I shed a few tears of joy. After about an hour of this, I remembered that I wasn't actually going on the date. Then I asked myself this, Suzanne my dear, why in the world, do you live life through other people? I feel more emotion vicariously than I do from my own experiences. I think there might be something wrong with that. When I'm on my deathbed, I'm going to say, "Wow what an amazing life... everyone else lived."So I decided that I'm going to start living my own life! Bring on the tears, baby!
Miss Stack

1 comment:

Anthony said...

Hahaha. I really know that feeling all too well. It's only been recently that I've been able to get my own emotions out better. Like since the end of last year I think... But before that, yeah I'd never cry. And if I did, like you said, not for my own experiences. Only, even more lame than that, I'd cry for FAKE people. In movies and stuff. Not often, but a few times. Actually, I think it was this year that something happened to just tear me apart and I was just sobbing in Shippy's car and since then I've been able to cry at things a lot more. Good or bad... who knows. But that's me.